Do something you think is valuable have to be something pricey? Or can it be one always-memorable moment that stays in your thoughts forever? Modern day society is infatuated with new technology as new gadgets and gizmos are all the rage nowadays, but do you think that without them you wouldn’t be happy? Do you cherish the moments that stay present in your mind for a lifetime, or the technology-savvy new objects that are placed at ever-rising expensive prices?
I pull a jet-black hoody over my head and shut the door behind me. My black Labrador, Daisy, gallops out from underneath me. As she almost trips me she grabs the old and ripped ball in her mouth and utters a playful growl. She stares at me with happiness and joy. She rips the ball around, tearing more and more pieces of it off as she does. She wants to play, and the games will finally begin.
It all started back in July when my brother bought me a dog for my birthday. He was coming back after graduating from college, and on his way back from Colorado, he saw a sign for Labrador Retrievers. He knew I wanted a dog, and hastily chose the rambunctious one, knowing I would like her, and got on his way back to Massachusetts. When he first brought her to me, she ran to me and tackled me, licking me vigorously. She quickly became part of the family.
As we start to play, she runs circles around me, toying with me with the soccer ball falling half-way out of her mouth. I grab her, wrestle the toy away and kick it across my yard. Her spindly puppy legs fly out immediately to chase the ball with ease. She, with lightening speed, gets the ball back to me within seconds. This is the routine with her almost daily, and it’s what I love.
As I turn on my glossy iPod, I am still drowsy with sleep. Its azure plating shines from even the dim light in my bedroom. I rise with some soft rock and finally get on with the day. Since it’s not even six o’clock in the morning, I need everything I can to start the day off in as best of a way as possible. By the end of the day, I’m listening to some fast-beat hip-hop and heavy rock to get me ready for my game.
I first got my iPod a year ago for Christmas. It shone luminously when I first saw it, still in its case. I tore open the case as gently as possible, careful not to scratch its gleaming plating. I opened it and my face was in a grin ear-to-ear. Within the next week I had 300 songs and an abundant amount of videos and pictures saved to its memory. My iPod was now to be put into regular use almost daily, even after going through a washing machine three times.
I sluggishly step into my father’s car still with the sound of soft rock tuned into my ears. As he revs his engine of his “Tank,” a Chevrolet Two-door pickup truck, I am oblivious to the sound over the guitar solo by Coheed and Cambria. He then pulls out of the rain-slicked driveway and we embark on our journey. It takes a good forty minutes to get to school, being that I live in Palmer, but I manage with the help of my iPod. The shuffle setting is like heaven as I lay back and relax. I do this prolifically throughout the weeks. From the bus ride to long soccer games, or to the long rides to school, my iPod is always in my pocket playing some beats to either calm me down and relax, or get me pumped for a game.
What is, in actuality and reality, valuable? Spending time with my puppy and listening to my iPod are two completely different things, but are both invaluable. From my routines in the morning, my iPod gives me relief and relaxation during the late nights and early morning drives to school. Even on my way to games, it gets me pumped and ready to play. My trench-coated puppy is the same way. Sleeping in my bed with me at night, and playing with me during the day with her ripped soccer ball, she is loveable and playful yet always with me to comfort me in bad times, but keep me happy in good times. Even though there is always something I can do with my iPod, I prefer my dog-playing-days over any iPod usage ever. Even during the cold winter nights when my iPod is half frozen and not working, my dog is there to warm me up, sitting on the couch with me until we both fall asleep.
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Dimitri is letting us know that he values his dog and his ipod. He gives god reasons for both and backs up each one very well. At the end he says he would take his dog over his ipod any day. I think that is very good. It means he cares for his dog a lot and although he enjoys his ipod he does not NEED it.
ReplyDeleteI felt his playing with the dog was better described than his ipod. There was great detail so you could picture it in your mind. "I pull a jet-black hoody over my head and shut the door behind me. My black Labrador, Daisy, gallops out from underneath me. As she almost trips me she grabs the old and ripped ball in her mouth and utters a playful growl." That is very descriptive and i can relate because my dog does the same thing.
I feel like his introduction was very strong. It allowed the reader to get their brain going. It made you think about values actually. So this is crucial for an essay and dimitri really got the reader (in my opinion)) interested.
next time dimitri, maybe have more descriptive words. You had great words in certain parts. But next time consider adding words that keep the reader interested. But overall good job pal.
I think that your dog and you ipod or both very important to you in to different ways. They are both still very valuable to you and you can tell that you care.
ReplyDeleteI think that you really described your dog very vividly and you that you care for your dog. This make a very interesting paragraph for your essay.
I think that your essay is very organized and that you can navigate around it easy to navigate around.
I think that you could work on description of your Ipod.
The author is trying to say that even though both things are important, he could never get the same satisfaction from an ipod that he could from playing with his dog. He is saying he would never give up a priceless moment for high priced merchandise. The difference between them is that anyone can get the satisfaction from an object, but no one can really have the same feeling you have for a special moment or activity. Playing with his dog is more valuable to him than his ipod because it is something he loves to do and will always cheerish.
ReplyDeleteI felt that the author playing with his dog was more vidly described. I could see him running around and kicking a soccer ball then his black lab chasing after it. Also the description of the dog as they were going outside was great. I could see a black labs playful eyes staring up at its master wanting to play. this was a very well described scene.
The organization of this essay was a very strong point. It is divided up it a begining middle and end. It starts out with an introduction on value. Then moves on to what he values most in his life. He wraps it all up by comparing these two things and saying what he values more.
This essay is very well written but it would help if you changed up some words. You could be more descriptive in your writing. This would make it more interesting for your readers. There is places where it is very descriptive and other parts where it is boring. Other than that great essay.
1. The author talks about value. He asks if you value more memories or financial stuff. The two things that he values most are playing with his dog Daisy and listening to his iPod. That is what the author is saying about value.
ReplyDelete2. I felt that both items were vividly decribed. However, I thought the dog was more vividly described. In that pararaph they uses great words and adjectives to show how much they care about their dog. That is the item that I felt was most vividly described.
3. The essay had many strengths. The best overall strength was showing how much he cared about each item. He used descrtiptive words and adjectives to show that. After reading this, I can feel that he truly loves his dog and enjoys his iPod.
4. My suggestion is to make your first paragraph longer. You made some great points but I'm still confused on your view of value and what it is. That is my suggestion. Overall, great essay.
I. You seem to be saying that it is not what you have that is valuable, but all the memorable moments that keep you happy. Clearly you value relaxation through the music that you ipod gives you. You also greatly value good and comforting times. In this case that comes through playing with your dog and just Daisy in general.
ReplyDeleteII. I believe that you described your times with Daisy just slightly better than your ipod. The reason I think that you described that better is because instead of explaining why you value it so much (which you do wonderfully in your conclusion) you explain completely what exactly you and Daisy do together. Where as with your ipod you describe it less and explain why you value it more.
III. I believe that the strongest part of this essay is your conclusion. You wrap everything up very neatly [and put a bow on top, just kidding]. In your conclusion you clearly state why you value both of the things you described. Also, you do a very good job at comparing and contrasting the two. Theny to top it off your last sentence you clearly state which you value more and why.
IV. I believe your introduction is just a little lacking. It could definitely be a little longer. Instead of having a four sentence paragraph which has three questions and a statement, consider revising it so you have up to a whole paragraph dedicated to statements and then another paragraph about your thoughts on value (just be sure not to provide anything from the body of the story excpept maybe a hint as to your two values).
DIMITRIIIIII!
ReplyDeletei thought you lived in the falls, not palmer...
but anyways,
Dimitri is aking if people would vaule different things if they didn't have high priced electronic things. He values both his dog and his ipod. He's saying that he vaules time with his dog more than listening with to music. I think that's what I'd choose too because you can replace an electronic but you can't replace the love that someone gives you.
I really liked the part about how your brother was just walking down the street, he saw a dog and he just bought it for you."He knew I wanted a dog, and grabbed the black one, knowing I would like her" That shows that he knows you really well and cares about you. I love Joe, he's so cool.
Your essay had many strengths. It was strong altogether. Your good at describing scenes. I could picture the dog coming up to you and pouncing on you. I could also see you in the car listening to your ipod with your 'serious' look on your face. hahhahah. it made the reader feel like they were there.
You don't need to improve that much. It just seemed like the part about your dog was more descripive than your ipod. But i think that's just because you love your dog more than your ipod, obviously. But other than that the blog was pretty good.
good job Dimitriossss. go make a myspace now!:)
1. What dimitri is trying to say is that value was that people are caught up in technology and arent paying attention to the little things.
ReplyDelete2. I thought the ipod was best described. I thought he did a good job with it.
3. I thought the overall strength was that using descriptive words. Also the organization.
4. I thought that he could add not much. I thought it was well done.
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ReplyDeletedimitri is trying to say we value technology more than ouselves. this is a recuring theme throught the story, and overall in modern culture. it is a well discribed fear
ReplyDeletethe ipod was described well. i can picture it in my mind. it overall is representative of a ipod.i would ike to have it(knowing you music, mabey not)
the strength was in his discriptions. he discribed things well. he painted a clear image in my mind. i wished it could be longer so i could know more
the author could make it a little longer. it also could use some edititng overall, i have more mistakes in my comment than he does in his story. nice job
dimitri says that he values his dog and his ipod. He values them for different reasons. Towards the end of the essay he says he values his dog over his ipod. this suggests that he values emotions over possesions.
ReplyDeletethe thing that is wierd about this essay is that his ipod is described more then the dog. This is odd because he says that he values his dog more than his ipod yet more of the story is devoted to his ipod.
An overall strength of this essay is the introduction. It pulls you into the story. I especialy like his choice of word is the introduction. "gizmos" is such an amazing word. Another strenght the essay had was the organization. the paragraphs were good length and it was well written.
Some advice i can give to Dimiitri is to tie the conclusion into the introduction. Also it seems to me that he is comparing to priced items. His dog and ipod both are purchased items. I think he shoul describe a certain moment with his dog. Overall this was a great essay.
I) Demitri values his dog, Daisy and his ipod. He values both money and his memories. I think he values his priceless moments more than money.
ReplyDeleteII) Demetri seems to value his ipod more than his dog. he says he values his dog more but he writes more about his ipod. if he really valued his dog you'd think he'd write more about daisy.
III) One stregnth is the writing style. It is well written. it has a well written introduction. It pulls you in to the story.
IV) I think you should balance the items you value. yOu should write equally about each topic. Both items were bought. I think you should write about having fun with your dog instead of how you got her. If you take out the part about how you got her it will be closer to perfection. Other than that good job.